The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
