I wish you could order shots online.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
