why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
