did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
