If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
