Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
