Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
