Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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