dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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