He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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