Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
