maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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