i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
