she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
