if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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