we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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