I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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