Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
