After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
