Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
