Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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