It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
