why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
it's like iHOP with fire
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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