WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
