just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
