pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
we should paint friendship bongs
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