i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
