u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
