Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
