Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
