First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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