Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
