the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
