Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
