i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
vagina is talking i cant
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
