I want to make a zoo with you.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
