Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
