I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
