She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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