all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
