I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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