I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
