we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
