i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
