Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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