Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
