You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Randomize
