just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
please come you make the beer taste better
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
