Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
