I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize