Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
