You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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