I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
