That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
