you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
