Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
