god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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