i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
