How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i came on her dog
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
