I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
