I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
