We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
