You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
