If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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