i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
