She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
