how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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