I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
