Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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