i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
