good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
