I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
